Premature Parent hood!
by Demoness Rose
Summary: will romance happen when sakura and sasuke are paired up as parental figures to babysitt as a project assigned to them by the ninja academy? maaaaaybee....if they don't get killed in the process...pairingssasusaku duh maybe some naruhina if i feel like it
1. babies havin babies

Disclaimer- Sasuke- today, I will be the one to say this disclaimer thing. We DON'T belong to demoness rose, and never will! However, she CAN borrow us for her writing pleasure…..even though she only uses me for-

Demoness Rose- slaps hand over Sasuke's mouth. uh, heheheh! Now now sasuke! We don't want to give our lovely readers any wrong ideas! uncovers mouth

Sasuke- you suck.

Demoness Rose- Oh screw you!

Sasuke- grins oh, they try, but I can't sit still long enough….

Demoness Rose- ON WITH THE FIC! Damn you sasuke you sexii!

Sasuke- Yeah, I am.

Bold inner characters

'italic' Thoughts

bold+italic sound effects

* * *

It started out as any normal day would for team 7. Naruto yelling about something or other, Sakura gazing at Sasuke with hearts in her eyes, and Sasuke….well, was Sasuke. It's not like he could help it now, could he? Yes, it was a pretty slow day as they all waited for their sensei who was late as usual.

"DAMN, WHEN WILL HE GET HERE ALREADY!" Naruto complained as loud as he could.

"Naruto!" Sakura snapped. "Will you just shut your mouth for two seconds! I don't know why you have to yell when everyday it's the same thing! Kakashi-sensei is ALWAYS late, why must you complain about it!"

"CUZ I LIKE TO BE A PAIN IN THE ASS, BELIEVE IT!" He shouted back and smiled widely.

"At least he found something he's good at." Sasuke smirked.

"WHAT WAS THAT SASUKE-BASTARD!"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT!" Sakura yelled in Sasuke's defense.

"I don't need help Sakura…"

"Oh! Of course you don't!" She smiled nervously. '**BUT I WANNA HELP HIM SO HE KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM!' **Inner Sakura screamed in her head.

"Aww, don't worry Sakura, Sasuke just doesn't know how to appreciate you! Not like I do, that is!" Naruto proclaimed proudly.

"Hi there team of mine!" Kakashi greeted them happily.

"OH YOU ARE SO LATE!" Naruto and Sakura yelled together.

"Oh sorry about that." He smiled. "But anyways, every team is being required to take a test of trust with each other. We will be going to the academy today!"

"WHAT!" Naruto yelled. "I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO THE ACADEMY! I THOUHT WE WERE OUT OF THAT PLACE FOR GOOD, BELIEVE IT!"

"Calm yourself Naruto. This will be fun, I promise!" Kakashi coaxed.

"Fine." He sighed defeated. Team seven followed their teacher.

'_Heh! Fun for me, that is!' _The silver haired jounin cackled to himself while taking out his infamous copy of make-out paradise and began reading where he left off last time. '_Man, when the hell am I gonna finish this book?' _

* * *

"Okay, welcome back everyone!" Iruka said waving to the teams in the room of the familiar ninja academy. 

"YO, IRUKA-SENSEI!"

**_sigh_** "Yes Naruto, what is it?"

"What gives? Why are we all here anyways?"

"All will be explained momentarily, so calm yourself!" Iruka cleared his throat.

……….

"Alrighty then." He began. "The reason behind this is because we think that we should have a trial of trust between the teams, just incase all of them should ever have to group together to face off against some kind of evil powerful ninja force or something along those lines."

………

"…..Any questions?"

"Now now Iruka." Kakashi interrupted. "Why don't you tell them the real reason we're doing this?"

"I don't have it in me Kakashi." He sighed and stepped away from the podium. Kakashi walked up to it with his hands behind his back and stated very plainly:

"We just like to see you all squirm!"

"WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Everyone yelled. Even Sasuke……even Sasuke…..

"And if you refuse……we'll send you back to this academy and out of your squads!"

"WWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

"Now then!" He grinned. "time for your assignment!" He bent down and picked up a baby doll, showing it off to everybody. "This is your task. Parenthood!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BEING A NINJA ANYWAYS!" Sakura yelled out abruptly. Apparently inner Sakura lost the race between mind and mouth.

"Well miss Haruno, I'm getting to that! Now then, we're going to pair you all off to see how well you could take care of a baby."

'_It can't be that hard if we're just going to take care of a stupid doll.' _Sasuke thought to himself.

"Oh yeah, and before I forget!" He threw the baby doll at Sasuke's head.

"ACK!" He cried falling out of his seat.

"You'll be taking care of REAL babies, children, or both."

REAL…….REAL…..REAL…..REAL

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

"You guys are taking better than last year's class is!" He laughed. "Now then, time to pair you lucky mommies and daddies up! Ahem." He cleared his throat and took out a long list.

"Hey Sakura!" Ino Whispered. "Betcha I'll be partnered up with Sasuke-kun!" She teased.

"No way! I'm Kakashi-sensei's student! He knows how much I love Sasuke! He'll definitely pair me up with him!" She stuck her tongue out.

"Like that has anything to do with it!"

"Yeah, well, we'll just see!"

"Hyuga Hinata and……..Uzamaki Naruto!" The silver haired man voice cut in.

Hinata's pearl eyes widened to the size of saucers. Did he really just pair her up with her number one crush!

"Hm? Oh cool. HEY HINATA, GUESS YOUR GONNA BE UZAMAKI HINATA FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS!"

Blush "…………joy……" She whispered happily.

As he went on pairing off the students, the remaining girls were all slowly edging over to Sasuke, who was now back in his chair, sitting in his usual position and praying that if there was a heavenly being out there, he would make him disappear.

'**Besides, the only one worth my company is Sakura….**'

'_Who said that!'_

'**Your inner Sasuke, dobe.**'

'_I have one?'_

'**everybody does. EVERYBODY.**'

'_Then where the hell have you been all this time?_'

'**It took you longer than most people to actually start listening to their honest selves.**'

'_Oh.'_

After a few more pairs were called, until there was just Sasuke, Sakura, Ino and Chouji……that fat kid……

"And the last two pairs….." Kakashi's lone eye was looking at the remaining people slyly, prolonging the moment. 'One little bunny is gonna haaate meeee!' He thought evily.

"Yamanaka Ino, and…………"

'Uchiha Sasuke….Uchiha Sasuke…..UCHIHA SASUKE!' Ino's mind screamed.

'NOT MY SASUKE!' Inner Sakura pleaded violently.

"………….And that uh……fat kid over there….what's your name again?"

"I'M NOT FAT, I'M BIG BONED GOD DAMMIT!" Choji bellowed. The room silenced at the round one's outburst, and the boy took his seat. "...And...my name's Choji..."_**cough,cough.**_

"Ah yes, yes, that's right. YOUR WITH THE FAT KID!" Kakashi pointed and laughed, making the whole room join in. Kakashi then held out his hand as a signal to shut up, and a drum roll played on que.

"There is now only one pair left……….Haruno Sakura and……….UCHIHA SASUKE!" Kakashi quickly took out a boom box and played "Today" By Smashing Pumpkins. He took out a microphone and strolled over to her putting a sash around her like they do in those beauty pageants.

"Today is the greatest….day you'll ever know, oh yes it's miss Haruno…..and Sasuke!" Kakashi sang loudly. He pulled a lever which was randomly there and balloons and streamers came out of everywhere.

"Oh, oh, oh! This is the best day of my whole entire life, I've dreamed about this day for all my life which was a meaningless montage of shame and disappointments before Sasuke!" She squealed as she wiped away tears of her unrequited joy.

Sasuke just kinda stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets. All he could think of was how he's never felt such a strange combination of awkwardness….and indigestion…..

'**But hey, your paired up with Sakura! Eh? Eh? Eh?'**

'_oh shut up.'_

'**Come on, you know you like her…..'**

'_errrrr……….'_

Just then, among all the girls who were not paired up with the Uchiha boy, (except Hinata) just realized that somebody else got Sasuke, and not any of them!

"GET HER!" Ino screamed above Kakashi's attempt at singing. All the girls jumped to their feet and charged Sakura, the few who got to her, fighting with her, and those who didn't, fought with themselves.

Kakashi wasted no time. He fumbled around with his C.D. collection and popped in a cd with that song Girl Fight on it. Then he pulled another lever and mud poured from the ceiling and splashed on all the girls.

"OHHHHHHHH! WE BOUT TO THROW THEM BOOOOWS! WE BOUT TO SWANG THEM THAAAAAAANGSSSS! THERE'S ABOUT TO BE A WHAT? A GIRL FIGHT!" He sang loudly and ran around the mosh pit, getting a nice view.

Sasuke shuffled away to Hinata and Naruto.

"OH BOO FREAKIN' HOO FOR YOU SASUKE-BASTARD! YOU GOT A FULL ON CHIC FIGHT JUST FOR YOU, AND YOU JUST SHUFFLE AWAY LIKE THE CROTCHITY OL' BOOBY YOU ARE! BELIEVE IT!"

"………what?"

"BOOB!" Naruto cried angrily. He reached his arm over and gave Sasuke a purple nurple.

"AAAAOOOOWWWWW!" Sasuke yelled in pain holding his abused man nipple. He growled at Naruto and kicked him in the balls, causing him to fall to the ground and hold himself in pain.

"AAAAAHH! OH GOD! OH! MY LOVELY MAN LUMPS!" He wheezed out. "BELIEVE IT!"

"N-Naruto!" Hinata gasped and blushed. "Um, uh….oh my goodness!" Her face turned ten different shades of red and pink as she knelt down next to him and tried to think of something to do with herself.

"Serves you right dobe!"

"S-Sasuke bassstaaaard….." Naruto hissed in pain.

Kakashi interrupted again. "Okay, stop hurting each other….yes, you can stop now, stop, stop, STOP IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!" He yelled on the microphone making all the muddy girls freeze. "Ok, Sakura…..go to him…..he's waiting for you……." He knelt on one knee and put his hand on her shoulder, pointing in Sasuke's general direction.

"Oh, I will sensei! I….I will!" She cried happily. Turns head slowly and smiles with sparkles around her. Happy music in background

"Haha, thaaaat's my girl, aho ho ho…..NOW GET OUTTA MY FACE!" (A/n- I had to give him an Invader Zim outburst.)

Sakura ran over to Sasuke and hugged his arm. Sasuke twitched slightly as she clung to him and nuzzled her head in the crook of his arm.

"This is gonna be so great Sasuke, I promise!" She squealed.

"Hn."

'**It's only a matter of time buddy boy…'**

'_Just shut up.' _

'**If only self escape were that easy, eh?' **

"Oh, newly weds!" Kakashi called out to them. "You forgot your assigned children!" He ran over to them and handed Sasuke an address.

"But….these are somebody's actual children!" Sasuke remarked.

"Yes, but the parents are away for a little while. Two weeks to be exact! Have fun love birds!" He grinned through the mask. "And make sure you get out of the house before they get back!"

'**LOVE BIRDS! HELL YEAH!'** Cheered Inner Sakura loudly, causing Sakura giggle and blush to herself.

"And Sakura?" Kakashi motioned for her to release Sasuke's arm from her death grip, and she walked over to him. He bent down to whisper something to her.

"Your very welcome young lady." He smirked. Sakura's smile lit up about 100 more watts, if that was possible, and her green eyes glittered.

"I always knew you were the best sensei-no! Best all around guy EVER!"

"Yes, I know, just let's keep this between you and me. I don't need to be attacked by Uchiha's hoards of fan girls…….." He shuddered. Sakura laughed and ran off to Sasuke.

"Let's go Sasuke-kun!" She chirped and dragged him out the doors of the academy.

* * *

Aww…I finished chapter 1! Yay for me! Celebration time! Oh Sasuke! 

Sasuke- sitting on couch flipping through television channels wearing no shirt and leather pants what do you want from my life?

Demoness rose- PARTY ME! pouts

Sasuke- throws handful of confetti in the air boredly and goes back to the tv.

k, please review me cuz I'd be so happy and shit! So…there's the button….go ahead…push it and leave me some luv! And yeah, i realize i made kakashi way ooc...but whatevs...lol..evs...


	2. meet the family!

Disclaimer- i only own the characters of naruto in my head cuz i lost them in a card game bet..…UNFAIR! but I own the children I made up! YEE-UH!

* * *

'**Just think of this as a test for her parenting skills. You know, for when the time comes to 'restore your clan!' **Inner Sasuke used a mocking voice when he reminded Sasuke of his mission, using a serious tone and putting his hands on his hips.

'_What are you talking about!'_

'**Come on dobe, how else did you think you were going to go about restoring your clan?'**

'_I-I don't know!" Sasuke mentally stuttered._

'**Ugh! Let me explain! When a man and a woman want to have babies, they get together and-'**

'_DON'T FINISH THAT!'_

'………**.'**

'_That's better!'_

'……**.and he shows her his 'oh' face.'**

'_I told you not to go there!'_

'**Aw, you know Sasuke, the 'OH' face! As in, OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!' Inner Sasuke made some very dirty body gestures and faces.**

'_ACK! STOP THAT! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!'_

'**Don't act so innocent! I'm your INNER-SELF! Everything I do is because you think of it!'**

'_This isn't happening! I am NOT having a mental argument with myself! I refuse to believe it!'_

'**Ya know, admittance is the first step! Only true psychos are the ones in denial!'**

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura interrupted him. "Are you okay? You haven't said a word and we're already half-way there!" Her voice was tinged slightly with dissapointment. She was sure that this would get him to warm up more to her and talk more than he does. All he's been doing was walking mechanically and making odd faces at nobody in particular…..

'**See, now she thinks your being uncaring. Say something nice to her you psycho!'**

"I AM NOT A PYSCHO DAMMIT!" Sasuke roared out loud causing Sakura to jump 50 feet in the air. Give or take a few inches of course.

"No, no! I never said that! Ah! I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't clear enough! I know you don't talk much, I mean, how could I not know, we've been around each other for so long and all, so I thought that ya know, maybe we could talk and-"

"SHUT UP!" He yelled at her this time, stoping the river of ramblings pouring from her mouth. She clamed up and blushed, looking down at the ground sadly. Sasuke instantly regretted that, though he wasn't sure why.

"I-I mean, I didn't mean to yell. I don't know where that came from. I must have been dozing off or something." He replied quickly, trying to make it sound as normal for him as possible.

'**Smooth dobe.'**

'_I am just about sick with you.'_

"Oh, of course!" She smiled.

'**HELL YEAH! HE WASN'T MAD AT ME! CHA CHA CHA!' **Inner Sakura cheered on.

"Oh look, we're here!" She took out the address paper and held it in front of her face, blocking the house from view. She saw the paper had the house key taped to it. "How the hell did he get a hold of their house key! Kakashi-sensei doesn't even know these people!" Sakura remarked.

"He's a jounin. He has his ways."

"Yeah, I guess, but come on! This is kinda scary!"

"Hn. Whatever." '_Damn, that IS scary…..'_

Sakura lowered the paper to look at the house and gasped. It was HUGE! A mansion maybe! Sasuke and Sakura's eyes grew as big as the house in front of them and there jaws dropped to the ground. This would be fun.

"Well, here we go! Two weeks ahead of us!" Sakura stated nervously as she unlocked the door. "Y-you can go in first!" She smiled uneasily and stepped aside.

"What? Afraid of the big bad house?" He teased in a sexy voice. He probably didn't mean for it to be sexy, but that was just part of his charm. The charm he halfway realized he had and how powerful it was against the opposite sex. Sakura blushed a scarlet red and gulped loudly.

"Actually, I'll go in first Sasuke-kun! Just to make sure it's safe, and won't explode or anything!" She declared holding her arm to his chest, preventing him from going ahead. She put on determined eyes and marched through the doorway. She stood there for five minutes apprehensively and rapidly looked from side to side.

"I highly doubt that anything is gonna happen to you Sakura." He noted.

"It's safe!"

As soon as she said that though…

"INTWUDER!" A young voice shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sakura screamed as a blur tackled her to the ground. Sasuke sprung into action and jumped over to them, peeling that blur off of her.

"What do ya no good grown ups think your doin' in my house?" The small child in Sasuke's grip spat viciously. He had fluffy light brown hair and large ocean blue eyes.

"Just a kid? You talk pretty big for somebody so small." Sasuke smirked. "Guess you're the kid we're looking after then."

"Huh? Whaddya mean? My mommy and daddy didn't hire a babysitter!"

"Well, they did when you weren't looking, alright?" Sakura explained picking herself up. "But I guess I could understand why you'd be so jumpy when two strangers just waltz into your house when your all alone here."

"Not just me. I'm watchin' my baby bwover and sister, all by myself, cuz daddy says I'm a big boy now!"

"And just how old are you?" Sasuke questioned.

"I'm five!"

"Woah!" Sakura exclaimed. "I didn't know you were that young! I can't believe your parents would leave you alone here for two weeks in this big old house with your baby siblings!"

"Hey! How do you know that thew'll be gone for two weeks?" The child asked raising his eyebrow.

"uh, your parents told us when they gave us the job silly! So what's your name?" Sakura asked smiling.

"My name is Kyo, but I'm not 'upossed to talk to stwangers….."

"Well then, we'll introduce ourselves so we won't be strangers anymore! I'm Haruno Sakura, and this is Uchiha Sasuke!"

"Oh. Okay."

"So, you only have two baby siblings beside from you?" Sasuke asked. '_Three little kids won't be too hard.'_

"No, he forgot to mention his older siblings!" Another voice answered. A girl that looked no older than eight or nine walked down the stairs with a baby in her arms followed by a boy, most likely her brother with another baby in his arms.

"Who are you guys?" The older boy asked, his green eyes darting between the two strangers suspiciously. His jet black bangs were brushed to the side covering one eye, and the rest of his hair was spiked up, and he wore dark clothes.

"We're your uh…..guardians and housekeepers while your parents are away!" Sakura explained once again.

"Mom and Dad never said anything about hiring two nannies that look like a pair of dopes." He sneered.

"Dopes?" Sasuke cocked his eyebrow in a daring fashion. "Do you know who we are?"

"No, and I don't particularly care either. And before you ask, we don't want what your selling, we aren't gonna change our religion no matter how many times you ask, and no, we will not take any surveys. Thanks for stopping by, it's been a blast, now get outta my house!" The boy snapped rudely.

"Look, like it or not, we're here to watch you guys, so you better get used to us!" Sakura snapped right back planting her hands on her hips. "Besides, what are you, thirteen? You probably don't even know how to cook for your siblings, let alone yourself!"

As if on que, one by one, little stomachs growled. The boy looked away, defeated.

"Fine. But we want a good dinner. A REALLY good dinner. Come on guys." He led his brothers and sisters out to the dinning room.

"Well, this will be fun….." Sakura sighed, to which Sasuke nodded his head in agreement. "But, that boy reminds me of somebody."

"And who's that?" He asked.

"Oh, somebody I know…." She replied slyly with a smirk on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked almost offended.

"Come on Sasuke-kun, he's just like you!" She giggled.

"Pft. Please." He retorted.

"So, let's get to making them some dinner! But what to make…..?"

"Let's check the fridge for something I guess." He suggested.

"Oh, good idea Sasuke-kun!" She skipped to the kitchen and opened the large fridge. "Wow, they got a whole bunch of good things in here!" Her eyes roamed over various left-overs, several trays of take-out sushi, obviously for the kids to eat for lunch or something, and other tings that all looked really good.

"Why don't we just cook the brats ramen?" Sasuke suggested. "It's easy enough." Sakura was about to agree when the boy spoke up.

"And don't even think about making us that instant ramen stuff either! That is such a cheap excuse for a good dinner if you were hoping to make a half decent first impression!"

"I wiked them!"

"Shut up Kyo!"

Sasuke sighed in a very annoyed manner. "Well, what IS acceptable then?" He gritted out.

"Well, I GUESS you could make some ramen for us….." He replied slyly.

"Good, cuz that's what you were gonna get…" Sasuke muttered to himself.

"HOWEVER…." The boy continued. "We like it HOMEMADE, from scratch."

"Then why did your parents even bother to buy cups of instant ramen for you guys if you like it homemade?" Sakura asked starting to get exhausted already by the child's antics.

"Hey! Do you WANT us to consider liking you? Hm?"

Sakura, not caring to take anymore bull from this kid, marched into the dinning room where they were sitting, and stood face to face with the boy who had a very smug look planted on. She placed her hands on her hips and stared him square in the eyes.

"Listen kiddo. We are not servants, we are your babysitters, and in case you don't know this, you don't tell us what to do, we tell you. Do you understand?" She countered firmly. The young boy just stared back with a challenging gaze.

"You listen, pinkie." He spat. At this remark, Sakura's eyes widened at the boy's courage. "You may be our babysitters, but you work for us right now."

"We're working for your parents smart ass." Sasuke commented trying to back Sakura up.

"Look around dobe. Do you see any parents here? No! Didn't think so. We're here, so you are working for US! And if you don't do what we want, I'll call our parents and they'll send you away without paying you. Do YOU understand?"

"………." Sasuke and Sakura didn't protest further for the sake of not being arrested for pretty much breaking and entry, and then taking care of young children when their parents had no idea whatsoever.

"Now. How about that ramen?"

"Fine. We're on it." Sakura replied. Her and Sasuke stomped back into the kitchen.

* * *

Ooooh, kitchen time! Is Sasuke even capable of cooking? Will there be counter sex! No, actually, sorry…no kitchen smut…oh well for you! Review please! 


	3. where the hell is the cook book?

Disclaimer- ah, go read the others cuz I don't feel like writing one!

* * *

"I can't believe we're being bossed around by a two-by-nothing brat." Sasuke seethed out.

"Jeeeeeeze, I never met such a mean kid before." Sakura agreed. "But there has to be a reason for his attitude, right? I mean, kids aren't born assholes!" Sakura replied in spite of the scene the boy made before.

"Whatever. Let's make the ramen."

………………

"How do we make ramen again?" Sakura asked.

"Um…..well, it can't be that difficult…." How tough could making noodles be anyway? Especially for Sasuke; Konoha's number one rookie. He was good at pretty much everything he did after all.

"Have you ever made ramen before?" Sakura raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, but like I said, it's probably easy." He searched for a cookbook that might be laying around somewhere…..anywhere……

"Uh….Sasuke, what are you looking for?"

"A cookbook…..which they don't seem to freakin have." He grumbled along with a string of incoherencies and curses. Sakura giggled to herself at how utterly clueless he was. She scanned the room quickly and almost instantly found the book he was looking for. She quietly tip-toed over to it and picked up the thick dusty book, hiding it behind her back.

"Uh, are you sure about that?" She asked coyly.

"Yes I'm sure about that." He shot back imitating her voice.

"Really? Then what's this?" She held it up in front of his face. She mentally got a kick out of how his glare turned into surprise, then embarrassment, and back to a glare.

"I must have missed that…." He huffed, grabbing it out of her hands and looking through it. '_Let's see….ramen, ramen…..'_

'**Did you see her back there handling that little smartass?'**

'_No, I must have missed it because I went temporally blind for the five minutes it happened.' _Sasuke mentally replied sarcastically.

'**Ya know, I think you need to get bitched out by her for once with your sassy mouth!'**

'_Keh_!'

'**But, ya gotta admit it's real hot when she gets all aggressive and witty! Eh, eh?'**

'_Do you realize how fucking irritating you are? Hm?'_

'**Irritating? Or simply telling the truth?'**

"Sasuke?" Sakura's voice broke through another argument between Sasuke and….himself….(A/N- he's not crazy, is he folks?) " Did you find it yet?"

"What? Uh, no, not yet….." His eyes were glazing over as he looked down a seemingly endless recipe list. God, everything was on the stupid list! Everything but ramen that is. He felt himself nodding off when suddenly he found it in bold letters: "Ramen making for dobes."

'**Hey, they know your name dobe!'**

'_Eerrrrrr……'_

"Ok, I found it. Uh…..we need some scallions, pork, and…."

"Hey people in the kitchen!" The boy's voice suddenly rang out, making both teens grit their teeth and look in the dinning room's direction without moving the rest of their bodies.

"What…IS IT….man?" Sasuke managed to growl out.

"We changed our minds. We just want some of that sushi in the take out trays!"

………..

Oh no he did not……

But as fate would have it, he just did.

"Excuse me…..?" Sakura rasped.

"Come on, chop chop! We're starving over here!"

"But I wanted ramen!"

"Shut UP Kyo!"

"Okay. Please tell me that you still don't think that Rosemary's baby over there is NOT exactly like me." Sasuke pleaded/demanded, making Sakura giggle.

"Alright, alright. But you still gotta admit that-"

"Don't finish that pinkie."

"Hey!" She was starting to blush now. '_Have I gone absolutely mad in the past two seconds, or is THE Uchiha Sasuke actually attempting to flirt with me?' _She thought to herself, half disbelievingly, and half overjoyed.

Sasuke smirked inwardly to himself at how her face matched the color of her hair and went to the fridge to pull out the sushi trays.

'**A little bit flirty now, are we?' **His inner self taunted.

'_I was not flirting! I was just…..joking around with my teammate…..'_

'**Call it what you want Zackey Vengance….'**

'_Who?'_

'**Never mind. And don't you think you've known her long enough to actually start calling her your friend? And a close friend at that.'**

'_Whatever.'_

'**Come on, say it!'**

'_Say what?'_

'**That she's your close friend!'**

'_No.'_

'**Fine. But expect a great lack of sleep tonight….'**

'_Okay! She's my friend, my very close friend! Happy?'_

'**Almost. Now tell her that!'**

'_What?'_

'**Tell her what you've just admitted to yourself! You know it would make her day.'**

'_Hn. Wouldn't you say her day's been the best day of her life already since she got paired up with me?'_

'**Oooohh, getting a tad cocky, wouldn't you agree?'**

'_Please, I've known forever that she's had a freakin crush on me since, well, as long as I've known her! And I saw her back at the school. Overjoyed!' _He replied proudly.

'**Yeah that's nice, but why don't you make her day even nicer! You know you wanna.'**

'_God, now I know why I barely talk to people. I'd annoy the shit out of them.'_

'**Tell her….'**

'_No.'_

'**Tell her….'**

'_No!'_

'**TELL HER!' **

Sasuke growled very audibly, making Sakura whip her head around to face him with concerned eyes.

"SakuraIjustwantyoutoknowthatyouareaveryclosefriendofminethereIsadit!" He mumbled at an amazingly fast pace.

"……What?"

"I-I-I said, that-uh….what'd I say again? Um, um um……" His face was getting very hot and he was starting to sweat. Why was this so hard! He just said it, how could he have forgot it already!

"Yes?" She pressed on. Something told her that he was trying to tell her something very important. In her mind, she fantasized this as the moment he'd compliment her on her noble brow, kiss it, and very shyly ask for her hand in marriage, then whisk her away to his place where he'd have his way with her. Oh, and they'd live happily ever after. After the whole getting laid by Sasuke thing of course.

"I-ugh. Forget it. It's not really that important anyways." He sighed and carried the trays to the dinning room, AND shattering every day dream that just took place in her head. She looked down at her feet disappointed, and sighed wistfully. He stopped abruptly and looked over his shoulder.

"Sakura?" Her head perked up hopefully at the sound of his voice saying her name, and her eyes lit up.

"Yes Sasuke?"

"Uh, could you bring out the drinks and chopsticks?"

"……..Oh. Yeah, of course." She replied, trying not to let the sadness become apparent in her tone. Her eyes had dulled down about thirty watts and she shuffled to the fridge to pull out drinks. '_Yeah right. Of course that would never happen. What was I thinking anyways? That this project would actually bring us closer together or something? I gotta get over it.' _She reached for the bottle of soda as she frowned to herself. She then carried the soda bottle and chop sticks into the dinning room.

"Okay, here's your food. Enjoy." Sasuke practically threw a tray at that smart mouth boy, and handed the other trays to the quieter ones.

"Where's my drink?" He demanded.

"Right here….."

'_Great. Now I made her upset….' _Sasuke gloomily admitted.

'**Yeah, and all because you are such a freakin asshole who can't even tell her she's your close friend! You had just better tell her before the night is over buddy!' **His inner self threated.

Sasuke was just happy that it couldn't inflict actual PHYSICAL pain. No, just emotional! But putting aside the ranting inner Sasuke, he decided to attempt to make some kind of peace with the kids they were stuck with for two weeks. Kyo didn't seem that bad, well, of course not, he actually liked them. As for the girl, she didn't say much yet, and it was obvious what that boy thought of them. Even though Sasuske wasn't the best at verbal compromises, or making peace without his fists or weapons, if he was planning on having kids to restore his clan, he'd have to learn someday.

"So…." He began standing in front of the eating children. The ones that could eat solid food, Sakura was busy feeding the two babies and making cute noises at them.

"So what? We're eatin' buddy." The boy answered sharply.

Sasuke gritted his teeth for what seemed to be the millionth time that day, but did his best imitation of a smile. It was a sickeningly grotesque, demonically twisted smile, but one nonetheless. "I just want to say…..I think we may have…..started off on the wrong foot…."

'_Yeah, the foot that I shoulda shoved up your ass ya punk!' _Inner Sasuke yelled, forgetting about his rants for two seconds.

"Well, you've got on foot left, so start convincing me that we should start over."

'Oh, he is so asking for it….' Sakura thought worriedly, knowing Sasuke was at wits end. She looked over her shoulder and at her companion who now had an involuntary twitch in his left eye, and was clearly struggling to hold on to whatever incredibly tiny piece of self control he managed to maintain.

"Right. My name is Uchiha Sasuke. And you are?" He gestured to the girl first, who blushed and giggled softly.

"My name is Sayuki! Um, I'm nine, my sign is Gemini, I like pina coldadas, and getting caught in the rain, I'm not into yoga, and my favorite flowers are lilies!" She answered in one breath. Her cheeks turned even more red and she looked down at her plate.

'Great, another fan girl….' Sasuke inwardly grimaced. "Okay…..Kyo, why don't you tell me more about yourself, preferably not in the form of a dating service questionnaire, or using song lyrics." Sayuki's face color deepened a tenfold if possible and she sunk down in her chair.

'Wow, I've never seen Sasuke so….so…patient…it's really cute!' Sakura mused. It really was very out of character for him to act this way though….but maybe he was just different with kid, like maybe he actually liked kids!

"Um….I'm Kyo, and I wike to pway outside, and go to school wif my fwiends where I do cool ninja stuff! And I wike my toys, but my favowite is my wace cars cuz I wike to cwash them into the walls BOOM!" He smashed his hands together and made more exploding sound effects to Sasuke's amusment. The small child continued to jabber on about this one time at recess with his friend and something to do with monkey bars and how he fell off by accident and broke his arm.

"Wow. You like to talk a lot huh?"

"Yeah, my teacher says I'm a chatter block!"

"That's chatter box." Sakura corrected, wanting to squeal at the child's cuteness. She looked over at the oldest kid who was leaning back in his chair with his arms folded and resting on his stomach with a rather pissed off looked set on his face. "Why don't you tell us your name?" She suggested.

"Whatever….name's Naota, I'm thirteen, I like to break things, and I don't really like other things….."

"Yeah, except your girlfriend Tsuki!" Sayuki teased him and poked his arm hard. He quickly slapped her hand away and glared at her.

"Shut up Sayuki, you don't know anything about it!"

"Oh yeah? Then why did you get grounded for that time mom and dad walked in on you two making out on their bed and you said you were just giving her a tour of the house like she asked for-MMPH!" He covered his hand over her mouth and growled.

"Will you can it loud mouth!"

"What's makin' out mean?" Kyo asked innocently.

"SHUT UP KYO!" They both yelled this time, Sayuki's voice muffled from the hand covering her mouth. She took his hand away to free herself.

"Um, and The baby's names are Kiro and Yuna." She pointed to each one.

"Okay, so, now that we're all acquainted, we can get along better, riiiight?" Sakura pressed.

"……Whatever." Naota sighed. Sayuki jabbed him in the side with her elbow making him yelp.

"Can't you be nice to them? They're trying to get along with us!"  
"No! It's stupid that mom and dad didn't tell us that these two would be coming to watch us for two weeks! I mean, what's the big deal? But maybe it's a good thing I didn't know two goons were gonna be here, I woulda left home after mom and dad went away!"

"And gone where Naota? To Tsuki's house?" She asked angrily.

"……" He began to blush half with anger, half with embarrassment. "So what if I had? It's my life, not your's, and nobody invited you, so ya know what, there's the door, see ya!" He replied forcefully getting up and walking to the door, swinging it open.

"Where ya goin' now? I bet your goin' to Tsuki's house!" She yelled after him.

"Mind your own business!" He stormed out and slammed the door. Two seconds later he opened it again, stomped to the table, picked up a large piece of sushi and popped it in his mouth, chewing noisily.

"And we all know by now that you like him!" He yelled with a mouthful of food, and pointed at Sasuke. He then barged out again closing the door even louder than before.

"…….I….do….NOT!" She screamed and ran upstairs. Another door slam could be heard.

"………." Sasuke and Sakura were rendered speechless.

"Uhhh…..they're not always wike that….." Kyo peeped up. "Well, Naota's wike this a wot, but not this bad I think…..sowwy they were wike this……"

"Don't worry Kyo, he'll get used to us, and hopefully he'll like us eventually!" Sakura assured him and herself. 'Cuz if he doesn't, Sasuke won't be the only one kickin' some ass here, CHEA!' Inner Sakura threatened loudly, and clenched her fist tightly.

"When will he come back?" Sasuke asked staring at the door.

"Um…..whenever he wants to I guess….." Kyo replied, not very sure himself. "He goes outside a wot……and he comes home way after I go to bed…."

"Where does he go though?" Sakura asked.

"Pwoabwy wif his girlfwiend wike Sayuki said….or wif his fwiends…."

"Oh." 'That's gonna change for the next two weeks…' Sakura thought. The last thing they needed was for one of the children to be missing on their watch. They were not even supposed to be here tricking little kids into thinking they were babysitters!

Kyo finished up the last few bites and got up and out of his chair. "Can I pway outside too?"

"Only if one of us is watching you!" Sakura said.

"Oh. Then will you watch me outside miss Sakura?" He asked with his big eyes sparkling.

"Of course!" She smiled at him. She looked over at Sasuke. "You'll watch the babies right?"

"No, I'll just leave them here and go out for a Sapporo." For a second, he could have sworn she looked at him like he was serious. "I'm kidding with you!" He quickly added.

"Oh, right! Duh!" She smacked herself in the forehead. "Uh…come on Kyo, let's go outside!" She took the boy's hand and walked out with him.

* * *

Holy crap! Sasuke watching to babies by himself? Will he survive, or end up rocking back and fourth in a dark corner? Why am I asking you guys all these corny announcer questions? Who knows! Yeaaahhh….just review and leave me be…bye! 


	4. all because of a fork

Disclaimer- see chapter 1 for my bitchin disclaimer.

A/N- oh my god, sorry it took me so long to update this! I've been trying to finish this huge retarded geography project for mr. gaudioso…..god I hate that man so much….it's not so much of a difficult project as it is time consuming….the research takes forever man! So before I rant any further about my loathing towards that class or the teacher, here's chapter 3 of premature parent hood!

* * *

Sasuke gulped loudly as the door clicked closed after Sakura and Kyo left to go outside. He twisted his neck to look over his shoulder at the two infants in the high chairs who were now staring back at him with wide eyes.

_'Alright. Just two babies…no big deal here….'_ He reassured himself.

**'No big deal he says…' Inner Sasuke mocked. 'Yeah, this I'll have to see…'**

_'What's that supposed to mean?'_

**'You've probably never even looked at a baby before, let alone two! Your gonna crack under the pressure….and then your gonna cry….and I'm gonna laugh.'** He chuckled evilly.

_'Why the hell am I such a bitch to myself anyways?_' Sasuke wondered momentarily before shaking that off and walking over to the babies, crouching before them.

He stared them intently, as if he was trying to stare them down like an enemy. The two curiously returned the equally absorbed gaze. After a minute of some sort of analyzation break through, the raven haired boy snorted at them.

"Look at you…in those high chairs….you can't do anything in them, can you?" He announced as though this was crucial information.

"You babies don't scare me at all, so there." He almost stuck his tongue out, but decided against it, because that would be childish. (And trying to talk down a baby isn't?)

"You two can't even talk yet, so what do I have to worry about? It's not like you can say

anything to piss me off…"

**'Oh my god, you're a scary person!'** Inner Sasuke commented.

_'What now?'_ mentally whined Sasuke.

**'Look at you! Your degrading infants! What kind ofbastard are you anyways!'**

_'I am not degrading infants you idiot!'_

**'Oh, of course not…just like I'm not degrading you right now. Maybe you should think twice about reproducing unless you want your new clan to have emotional scars from your constant mocking and……sass…..'**

'_Shut up starfucker, what do you know? I was only saying that stuff because it helps me feel more secure….'_ He confessed.

**'………'** For once, inner Sasuke was speechless.

_'WHAT? MY GOD, I CAN'T STAND YOU! I'M PROBABLY THE WAY I AM BECAUSE OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!'_

**'…..You…..caaaaaad…..'** The inner self hissed.

_'Forget you.'_

Sasuke was so busy arguing with his inner thoughts to notice that a fork that one of the babies had been holding had fallen out of it's grasp and on to the floor. The infant stretched desperately, trying to get back the utensil, grunting in sheer effort. When none of the baby's attempts worked to get the fork back in his plump hand, and the clown in front of him wasn't doing anything about this terrible happening, he did the only thing he could…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sasuke jumped at the sudden sound of the high pitched wail, and drew his focus back on the child, wide eyed.

"What! Are you hurt or something!" He frantically asked. He slapped himself in the forehead for waiting a few minutes for a response. Hadn't he just got through mocking the baby for his inability to speak five minutes ago?

_'Okay, stay calm and look for anything that could have caused this.'_ He tried to strategize through the screams of the infant.

**'Try picking him up or something!'** Inner Sasuke suggested quickly.

_'Finally some good advice from you….'_ He didn't wait for an annoying retort from his inner self, and continued focusing on the wailing baby boy. He gulped audibly again and sighed. He'd never held anything that was that small and living at the same time. It wasn't like he could control it like a kunai or a shuriken…the only time he'd ever actually held another human being was when he scooped Sakura out of Orochimaru's weapon that would have killed her if he didn't act fast. But that was different. She wasn't this small and easily breakable…and plus he was working off a huge adrenaline rush.

Oh well…..

He was a prodigy for god sakes! If he couldn't even handle a dumb baby, how could he continue calling himself an Uchiha!

And that baby was crying pretty loudly….

…..What if something was really wrong with him? Like he was choking or had a caved in lung or whatever!

Swallowing any other doubts, he winced as he placed his arms under the baby's arms and lifted him up carefully. His arms were fully extended outwards away from him, holding the now flailing infant. He looked the baby over, trying to find any flaws he could visibly make out, only to find none. All of a sudden, the baby's head fell back as he continued to scream. Being not the most educated person on baby's anatomy, he of course didn't know that a baby's head needed to be supported when they get picked up because their bones aren't fully developed enough yet. If he had known that fact, he would have carefully held the baby close to his chest, cradling him gently, making sure one arm was keeping the head supported because his underdeveloped neck wouldn't be able to hold it up.

But unfortunately, Sasuke Uchiha hadn't had the pleasure of knowing such prior facts, and he began to panic.

"Shit!" He cursed loudly. "Come on kid, what's the matter! Why is your head doing that!" He was starting to sweat rather profusely now, as he bent his arms in, now holding the baby closer to him, closer to his face to examine the child, who still hadn't been able to pick his poor head back up.

"Crap, his neck is gonna snap if he keeps that up!" He tried to maneuver his arms in a way that he could hold the baby close while keeping the head fully supported. Being parentally challenged as he was, he wasn't sure how to go about doing so.

_'Why didn't I go and take Kyo outside! Sakura would be way better at this…'_

**'Now there's a thought! Too bad you didn't think of it sooner ya stupid jerk!'**

_'Ok, I REEEEAAAALLLY don't need this right now!'_

**'Stop whining at yourself and hold the kid's head up or something!'**

"Okay…." Sasuke's usually over confident features were now screwed up in a hopeless grimace, his eyebrows knitted and his lips in a desperate frown. He sat on one of the chairs and strategically rested both his arms which were holding the crying bundle on his lap. Then he slid the arm closest to the baby's head upwards behind the neck, so his head was tilted back up and his cheek rested on the Uchiha's chest.

"Okay, good, now at least your head's back up…." Much to Sasuke's discontent, this did nothing to soothe the baby in his arms. He'd nearly forgotten about the other infant still in her chair until the noise of the shrill crying seemed to suddenly been in stereo. He snapped his neck upwards from looking down at Kiro to find that now Yuna was crying at the same intensity.

"ACK! NOW WHAT!" Sasuke was stuck now. He wasn't sure how to make it over to the other baby whilst still holding one, and then bring her back to the chair with him.

'**Maybe we should get Sakura!'**

'_NO! She's probably got her hands full just like me right now with Kyo!'_

'**Okay then wise guy…..what are you gonna do about this now? Do you even know how to hold two babies at once?'**

'_Well, I'm not getting her! I can handle this!'_

'**Yeah, and your doing such a great job. Now you have to either forget your stupid pride, or find a way to hold that baby over there!' **

Carefully managing to get up and hold the baby boy correctly, Sasuke shuffled over to the high chair occupied by the screaming Yuna. He was so not comfortable with holding Kiro in one arm! He suddenly remembered the table that was right in front of him and carefully laid Kiro on his back on the wooden surface. With the same care as he used before, Sasuke lifted the baby girl and held her close to his chest. A stray lock of hair fell in his face and he sighed, blowing it upwards. It only fell back in his face when he remembered the other infant squirming on the table.

"How am I gonna do this!" He thought out loud desperately. Thinking quickly, he used his foot and slowly wound it behind a leg of the nearby chair, and dragged it over to him. He sat down and rested Yuna in his lap. Then he used his free hand to slid Kiro over to him and with the greatest of care that the Uchiha didn't know he had possessed, he somehow managed to bring the baby boy on his lap and rested one baby on each leg, supporting them with each arm. He sighed in brief victory, but it turned to a wince and a groan when the loud crying reached his ears again.

Maybe he could try the good ol' Uchiha approach to any sort of conflict…..

"Alright. You two stop crying right now." He ordered in his usual cold demanding voice he used on the battle field. This only made the babies cry louder.

**'YOUR SCARING THEM DOBE!'**

_'I don't know what else to do!'_

**'Try bouncing your legs up and down or something! Babies like that….I think….'**

It was worth a shot….anything to get rid of the headache that was now spreading quickly throughout his head. He proceeded to rapidly and roughly bouncing his legs, most likely providing the poor infants with shaken baby syndrome.

**'NOT THAT HARD YOU FILTHY ANIMAL! GENTLY NOW!'**

Sasuke let up tad.

_'Gentler…'_

He took it down another notch.

**'Geeeeeeeennnntlerrrrr….!**' Inner Sasuke's voice grew high pitched.

Finally, Sasuke had reduced the once hyper stomping of his legs to a light, slow, bounce. However, by this time, he'd already scared the crap out of the bundles on his lap and they were now kicking and screaming.

He resorted to saying aword he couldn't ever remember using in his life.

"Please…." He begged. Sasuke Uchiha had been reduced to pleading mercy from two infants…. "Pleeeease stop crying! Just tell me what you want!"

**'I've got it!'** Inner Sasuke announced.

_'Well, spit it out man….I'm at wits end!'_

**'Sing!'**

_'NO!'_

**'You HAVE to! It's your only hope!'**

_'……but…I don't know what to sing!'_

**'ANYTHING! JUST SING THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES TO MIND!'**

"Ummm….." He frantically searched the vast knowledge of musical selection in his mind only to find that he….desperately needed to update. What the hell kind of song could he sing to two crying babies! Whenever he found himself listening to music it was….

"…Help me, I'm burning from the inside….help me, I got no soul to sell…."

**'STOP THAT!'**

_'What! You told me to sing!'_

**'Not Nine Inch Nails though! God, what's wrong with you! And above all their songs you just haaaad to sing the notorious 'Closer'…..'**

_'I couldn't think of anything else! Nine Inch Nailsare my favorite band!'_

**'NOT for crying babies! Oh! Sing the twinkle twinkle song!'**

_'……do I LOOK like a woman to you?'_

**'No, you LOOK pathetic! Now sing it!'**

* * *

"Twinkle, twinkle little star……how I wonder what you are….." He sang in a monotonous tone, gritting his teeth. Much to his dismay, this did nothing but actually scare the infants, and if it was even possible, they cried louder, kicking and screaming harder. This flailing led to a rather unfortunate event in Sasuke's day; A wildly swinging leg belonging to Kiro, with great force, was swung up high in the air. When it came back down….let's just say it landed in a certain spot in the Uchiha's lap he'd rather not have kicked.

"Hooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh……" The raven haired boy wheezed as his grasp of the two infant's backs was released and he held his groin in pain, rolling off the chair. As he made contact with the floor, the two babies fell off the chair as well, and added on to Sasuke's pain by landing on his spine, where they began yanking on his hair and pounding their small fists on his back. Sasuke was beyond being in pain….this was torture, no, this was worse than torture…..my god…..this was premature parenthood!

Sasuke groaned in the pain he was suffering in his lowly state on the ground, still holding himself, as if _it _would fall off if he moved his hands.

_'God, I'm going to die right here and now….'_

**'Maybe you should have sang the ol' mc. Donald song instead….kids love animal noises….'**

_'…..fuck……you……'_

"Sasuke? Are you in here?"

_**'SAKURA!'**_ Sasuke and his inner self both yelled in unison. Damn, the pain had been so great, he hadn't even heard the door opening.

"Sasuke, is everything okay? I heard a lot of screaming from outside….Sasuke?" He could see the top of her pink head turn side to side looking for him. He couldn't move though! Not with two babies on him at least.

_'Damn, they're still crying!'_

"Babies!"

_'DOUBLE DAMN, SHE'S COMING HERE NOW! OH MY BALLS HURT!'_

"Sasuke, I can't find…..you……" She trailed off dumbly as she beheld the sight in front of her. There was Sasuke Uchiha, on the ground, holding his crotch with two babies on his back, crying and beating on him…..

"………Wow….." Was all she could manage. For that second that was…..after that she began cracking up.

"D-Don't laugh!" He tried to sound manly and angry, but because he was still in pain down there, his voice was an octave higher and it squeaked when he talked, making her laugh harder as she knelt down to his level.

"Oh Sasuke…Hahahahahah! I'm…I'm sorryheeheeheheee!" Her tearing eyes spotted the fork on the floor and picked it up, handing it to Kiro, who immediately stopped crying and began teething on the silver prongs. This caused Yuna's crying to subside because Sakura was holding her now and rocking her gently, still giggling at Sasuke.

'….A……fork…..? All that over a FORK!'

"Sasuke, next time, you take the older ones, I'll handle these two…." She announced.

"H-How did you know?" He demand a little stronger as the pains were going away slowly and he sat up, staring in disbelief at the two infants who were happily gurgling away.

"Well, didn't you see Kiro was looking at this fork on the floor?"

"….Nooo….." Well, he'll just have to keep his eyes peeled the next time he has a freakin panic attack!

Sakura giggled at the very pissed Uchiha boy, who growled back at her in response.

"Sasuke….that was pretty pathetic…." She grinned while trying to suppress the muffled laughs.

"Yeah well, next time, you get the dirty work…" He tried to sound as cold and aloof as he could muster, but he was still getting over aches all over his body as he shakily stood up.

"Hey, where's the kid?" He asked looking around.

"He's in the backyard where it's fenced in. He's on the tree swing, see?" She pointed to a window across the room that you could see the backyard from. Sasuke shrugged.

"Oh. Well, whatever….I need a drink…" He stated as he padded to the kitchen. Sakura stared after him and stood up, holding the babies in both her arms, the correct way, might I add.

"This should be an interesting two weeks…" She sighed out loud, a small smirk playing on her lips.

* * *

YEE-UH! Finally finished a new chapter! I really don't like the ending but whatevs…uhhhh so, lemme know what ya think people. The long ass project I had to do is over finally, so I can get back to updating sooner! does happy dance

K, so review!


	5. OH MY VIRGIN EYES! SEX ON THE TELE!

Disclaimer- see chapter 1!

THANK U FOR REVIEWING ME EVERYBODY! (shout outs at end of chapter!) This is mostly fluff…..

"Kyo! Please come inside now, it's getting dark!" Sakura called out the window. '_Hmmm…I wonder where Sasuke went off to….' _She began to wonder. '…_.probably taking a nap or something…he did have a long day after all…' _After about a half hour, Saiyuki had trotted downstairs and offered to watch the babies in her room for a while, apologizing for not taking them in the first place.

She was about to search the large house for him when the front door opened and the bright eyed Kyo bounded in.

"Hi miss Sakuwa!" He smiled.

"Hey there Kyo! Did you have fun out on the swings?"

"Yeah! Where'd you go before?"

"Well, let's just say Sasuke was in need of some assistance….." Explained Sakura grinning widely. '**CHYAH, HE NEEDED MY HELP! HELL YEAH!'**

"Oh, okay!" Kyo looked around like he lost something and then looked back up at Sakura. "Can I color in my colorwing book?"

"Yeah, of course! Um, please sit at the table so there isn't a big mess all over the floor, 'kay?"

"Kay!" With that, the child hopped off in search of his crayons and coloring book, quickly returning with the items and setting himself in a chair at the table, happily humming to himself and coloring in a picture of a nekokoneko.

'**HOW FREAKIN CUTE!' **

"I'm just gonna go and find Sasuke, so just sit tight, okay Kyo?" He nodded in response, completely engrossed in what he was doing, and Sakura began her quest for Sasuke.

'Cripes….hope I don't get lost in this huge place…' She gulped loudly as she reached a hallway. 'I wonder what their parents do that they can afford this much money….'

Sakura passed multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, even a few training rooms! Training rooms inside houses! That was something she'd never seen before.

'**JEEZ, THEY'RE LOADED!' **She slowly and silently entered the room, peeking around curiously.

"Sasuke? Are you in here?" She whispered looking around. She nearly jumped when she heard muffled noises coming from the couch, and turned to face it where she came face to face with a napping Uchiha boy. She fought back the urge to squeal at the sight of Sasuke sleeping, all curled up on a couch like a little boy. His face still looked a little stressed out, though clearly not as much as before. She watched in much amusement as the boy began mumbling something she couldn't understand and then proceeded to chew on the pillow his head was resting on. She could barely contain the giggles that were already threatening to spill out of her, but she silenced them as best she could. She stopped when she heard his stomach growl loudly, and his face contorted into a grimace, but he continued sleeping.

'_Ah ha! I'll make him dinner!'_

'**CHEYAH, CUZ I ROCK AT COOKING!'**

Sakura made her way back to the kitchen and looked through the fridge for something she could make him. Suddenly remembering he must still be achy from his first experience with babies, she decided to first make him a cup of herbal tea, which would soothe his muscles, and um….anything else that was in need of a little couldn't stop the smirk that formed on her lips. "He's gonna love this!" She sang happily to herself as she put the water in the tea kettle.

* * *

A spicy, apple-like aroma had made it's lazy trail to the tv room, and had slowly wafted towards the couch currently occupied by the napping Sasuke, making his nose twitch. His eyelids fluttered open slowly at the scent that was around him.

"What…is that?" He asked himself looking around. He ran a hand through his messy raven hair and smacked his lips together, trying to wake himself up a little more. He groaned when he sat up because he was still sore from earlier events that he'd never talk about in the entirety of the rest of his life…..never again……..

'_Now where the hell is the smell coming from?' _He asked himself, getting up slowly from the blue corduroy couch. He let out a muffled sound of discomfort again, holding one hand on his back looking very much like an old man who hasn't been moved in weeks….(A/N-ha ha, thoooose old people…good times…..)

"Oh….Your awake already…." Sasuke turned his head around to see a pouting Sakura holding a mug in both her hands, the familiar apple smell permeating from it.

"I wanted to surprise you Sasuke…Oh well, surprise!" She smiled brightly, extending her arms for Sasuke to take the mug, which he did slowly, almost suspiciously, and sniffed the contents.

"Go on and drink it Sasuke! I made it for you…it's um, this herbal tea Tsunade taught me how to make a while back, it should ease some of them aches of yours!" She continued babbling on about what it was made out of and how great it worked, but Sasuke wasn't listening to her. (as usual) He eyeballed the drink like it could kill him if he even brought it to his lips.

'**And…what the HELL is your problem?'**

'_What?'_

'**It's not gonna fuckin bite you. Believe it or not, not every living or non-living thing wants to….'**

'_Yeah, sure.'_

'**Just drink it you fag! It smells good!' **

'_Fine….maybe it will shut her up or something…'_

'**Yeah, but she's so cute when she thinks she has our attention and gets all smart and shit!' **

For once, Sasuke could argue with those facts. With a little hesitation, he took a small sip of the beverage, and the girl shut up immediately, and stared at him hopefully.

"Do you like it Sasuke?" She asked eagerly awaiting for his hopefully positive answer.

Sasuke nodded and took another small gulp, and then looked back up at her. "Thank you Sakura….it's very good." He answered curtly. Her already glowing face seemed to go up in brightness another ten watts, and her grin stretched to her ears. Upon seeing this, Sasuke began to blush. Not wanting her to see his pink face, he quickly turned his head down to look at the drink.

"Great! I was kinda worried you wouldn't like it or something, cuz I wasn't sure if you like apples…ya know, I wasn't sure after that whole thing at the hospital way back when and all that…and-"

"Sakura…your being very annoying." He announced in the same polite tone he used to compliment her brew. He smirked when he saw her eyebrows momentarily knit up, and how she tried to hide the annoyance that was trying to show through her features. He looked around the room and noticed the t.v. was still on. He sighed, and motioned to the television with his head, heading to the couch.

"Sit down I guess…" He offered. She looked surprised now. Did Sasuke Uchiha really just invite her to sit on the same couch as him? Sasuke stared at her, almost challengingly at her hesitance, raising an eye brow. She had to accept. She WAS Sakura Haruno after all, and it wasn't physically or biologically possible for her to turn down such a request as this coming from Sasuke Uchiha. Dumbfounded, she sat down on the couch next to Sasuke, staring at the screen, or the wall…anywhere but at the prodigy in the close proximity to her.

"So…." She began strumming her fingers on her thighs. "What are you watching?"

He grunted something that sounded like 'I don't freakin' know' and resumed to watching it. Sakura sighed.

'_Damn, trying to make small talk with him is like even thinking about straightening his hair…..I wonder if he'd let me do that?' _She wondered to herself.

"….Sakura?" Sasuke was staring at the spaced out kunoichi with a cocked eyebrow.

Sakura didn't hear him at first because she was too busy fantasizing Sasuke with his hair all let down in his face. (A/N-drool…he'd look like Trent Reznor with straight hair…)

Sasuke shrugged and continued watching the show he left on. He wasn't quite sure of what it was called, but he guessed it was some kind of soap opera.

'_Just what the hell is she thinking about? She's starting to drool….'_

'**Yeah….some weird shit right there…poke her or something, maybe she stopped breathing….'**

"Sakura?" He said more firmly. The pink haired girl seemed to snap out of some trance she was in and blushed, returning Sasuke's suspicious gaze.

"W-what?" She stuttered.

"Here…." He slowly handed her a napkin, which she stared at in confusion. He motioned a 'wipe your mouth' to her, making Sakura blush in utter embarrassment and bury her face in the napkin, furiously scrubbing at her mouth.

"Um…sometimes…I uh…..my meds kick in….." She lied, her voice muffled by the cloth.

"….Your on medication?"

"…..No….." She replied slowly. "But sometimes it's like I am…"

Sasuke shook his head in uncertainty and somewhat embarrassment for her, returning his eyes to the television screen.

'**What the fuck is this shit?'**

'_How the hell should I know…it's a soap opera I guess…'_

'**What's goin on then?'**

'_Well, first Roderick was all…hey wait…if your me why the hell do you need me to tell you what you missed?'_

'**Don't question me or I'll make you say something stupid…not that you'd need much help….'**

'_Shut your noise tube.' _He snapped back paying more attention to the show. So far, Roderick had just admitted to Annette that it was his evil twin Derrik who cheated on her for Roxanne…..then there was some unnecessary camera angle changes and zoom in's and out's. Sasuke sighed in boredom from the show. He moved the mug in a gentle circle, swirling the apple-like contents in it lightly before bringing it to his lips again and sipping quietly.

'**So…say something!'**

'_Huh? Oh, I thought you died or just decided to be nice and fuckin leave me alone for once….' _He internally sighed wistfully.

Inner Sasuke scoffed. '**Uh huh….ya may wanna check the sky for pigs before that happens….' **

Sasuke smacked his forehead, hearing his inner self yelp in pain, and grinning at the sweet sound of it.

"Oh, does your head hurt Sasuke?" He heard Sakura ask him. Crap. She must have seen him hit himself like a damn freak. Could this day get anymore awkward!

"D-do you need another cup of tea? Cuz, I could whip up another brew or whatev-"

"I'm fine Sakura. Don't worry about me, okay?" He inwardly cringed when he saw her green eyes momentarily flash with sadness at his words and cold tone of voice. He sighed heavily and stared back at the television.

"So…where'd you learn how to make this stuff?" He asked in a voice that sounded like it was killing him to speak more than two syllables. Her face lit up a little at the sound of his sudden interest, or his version of interest. Hey, it was still something.

"Well, Tsunade taught me how to make it, ya know, cuz I'm training under her to be a medic-nin." She explained as though that was news to him. "I was really surprised that they had the ingredients here! Maybe one of them is a medic…Anyways…" She happily babbled on about something that Sasuke was now blocking out, but pretending to listen to.

'**Just let her talk….look how cute she looks when she thinks your listening…'**

'_Oh shut up.'_

'**Your just saying that because you didn't even look yet! Look at her!'**

'_No!'_

'**Fuckin prick, LOOK. AT. HER!'**

'_FINE!' _Sasuke darted his aggravated eyes towards his companion. Well, his annoying inner self hadn't been lying after all…Her jade eyes were most definitely sparkling as she spoke to him. Her voice was upbeat and carefree, as usual, and she seemed to glow brighter by the second with a warm light whenever he nodded blankly for her to continue with her story.

"…And that's what happened the first time I saw Bambi!" She concluded happily. Sasuke briefly shook himself from the daze he'd been in and nodded at her. Sakura giggled and proceeded to watch the soap opera.

"Ah! Love behind the corner, I love this show!" She squealed. "I used to watch it before we started training under Kakashi-sensei!"

"….what kind of young child watches soap operas?"

"What kinda kid carries spare tomatoes in his back pocket?"

Sasuke choked and sputtered on his drink, nearly dropping the mug.

"W-What tomato?"

Sakura grinned evilly. "Remember our first year in ninja academy….and the monkey bars?"

Sasuke twitched as he remembered that day at recess….

**FLASHBACK……..**

"_HEY CHICKEN HEAD!"_

_A seven year old Sasuke turned around to find the big mouth Naruto standing over him with his chubby arms crossed. Sasuke didn't bother to stand up from the sandbox, and continued to add more sand to the castle he was making. _

"_Whaddya want idiot?"_

_Naruto's eyes went big. "YOU SAID A BAD WORD!"_

"_What? Idiot isn't a bad word you idiot!" Sasuke squeaked._

"_Is too, believe it!" _

"Is not!"

"_IS TOO!" _

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

"Ahhhh, what the heck did you even want from me anyways? Can't you see I'm busy with important stuff here?" The uchiha huffed, patting down the sand.

"_Oh yeah!" Naruto exclaimed, as if just remembering what he came here for. "I wanna challenge you at something!"_

_Sasuke snorted. "Why, so I can beat you at that too?" _

"Yeah right jerk face! You and me, monkey bar race!"

"…_..No." _

"HUH! WHY NOT!"

"Cuz that's stupid. Why would I waste my time with a loser like you on the monkey bars?"

"Hmmm…maybe your right meanie….I mean, if you don't mind the other guys callin you a girl for makin sand castles every recess all by yourself!"

"W-what!" Sasuke's round face grew pink. "What's mankin sand castles hafta do with bein girly?"

_Naruto pointed around to a group of girls making a sand castle, using it as a doll house for their dolls. _

"_That pretty girl Sakura and her friends always make sand castles. Just like you, you girl! Believe it!" Naruto smirked when Sasuke sprang up to his feet angrily. "And if you don't race me, you're a girl too!" He announced. _

"_Fine! But your gonna lose and then your gonna cry and I'm gonna laugh at you!" Sasuke snapped. The two boys quickly strode to the monkey bars. _

"_First one to the other side gets to call the loser whatever they want for um…..um….a million years! Yeah, believe it!" _

"Get used to the name loser then. Believe it!" Sasuke mocked in a high pitched voice, trying to imitate Naruto's voice.

"Yeah, well, you can just get used to teme!"

"Now who's sayin bad words!" Sasuke snorted.

"_OKAY, GO!" _

_With that said, the two boys flung themselves on to a bar, coincidentally they picked the same one, and scrambled to the ones ahead, side to side and growling at each other the whole way. _

"_Hey, what's Sasuke doin?" Ino's voice rang out as she lead the girls to the area where the two boys were racing vigorously. _

_Sakura looked up at Sasuke dreamily, but also with determination burning in her eyes. _

"_You can do it Sasuke!" She cheered. Both Naruto and Sasuke froze at the sound of the cherry blossom girl. Naruto blushed when he saw her, and waved, smiling goofily. _

"_Hi there Sakura!" He giggled dumbly. Sasuke took this as an advantage and poked Naruto in the ribs, very gently, causing the blonde to let out a laugh, being that he was ticklish. Naruto yelped as he felt the bar slip from his grasp as he fell to the ground and flat on his face. _

"_Mmmmpphh…." He mumbled in pain as he sat up to spit out sand from his mouth.  
"Heh! Loser!" Sasuke sneered._

"_Yay Sasuke, I knew you'd win!" Sasuke glanced at Sakura and his face grew almost into the same goofy boy grin, and he blushed furiously. Suddenly, his fingers slipped as well and he began to fall, landing on Naruto, who let out another shriek of pain. Everybody clamed up when they heard a splat noise._

"_What was that?" Ten Ten asked loudly. Sakura walked over to the dazed boys (Who had the kenshin oro face!) and investigated. Her nose crinkled when she found out what made the squishing noise. _

"…_Sasuke….why is there a tomato in your pants?"_

_All the children in the circle of bystanders broke out in laughter at this._

"_Sasuke Uchiha has tomatoes in his pants!" Kiba cackled holding his stomach. Choji's belly began to rumble at this. _

"_I'd still eat that…." _

"Ew Choji…" Shikamaru replied sticking his tongue out.

_Sasuke's face reddened further and he snarled at the blonde fox boy he was stitting on._

_  
"This is all your fault loser!" _

"Yeah, well, who the heck carries tomatoes in their pockets teme!"

**FLASHBACK OVER………**

"I cant seem to remember such an incident." Sasuke huffed, shaking himself of that memory.

"You do too!" Laughed Sakura. "Come on, it was so funny!"

Sakura's laughing decreased a little when she saw the pink faced boy begin to stand up and she quickly put her hand over his arm, trying to get him to stay.

"Oh, don't go Sasuke, I'm sorry! I was just kidding! Please don't leave, I'll stop laughing!" She pleaded, although she in fact was still giggling. When she saw him snort at this, she pouted and gave him puppy eyes. Sasuke rolled his own black eyes and sat back down, sighing in great annoyance.

"Hn."

The two ninjas quietly, almost awkwardly, watched the show together. Just then, something happened that both of them were dreading. Of course it was inevitable that something like this would happen in a drama such as this, and it was of course….a sex scene…..

"Oh Roderick!"

'_OH NO!' _Sasuke screamed in his mind and blushed madly. He didn't dare glance at the pink haired kunoichi, but he hoped she was as red in the face as he was so he wasn't the only one. He shifted uncomfortably on the cushion and began tugging at random loose threads coming from the couch.

"….Oh my…." Sakura mumbled as nervous as a high school student on a test day.

"Um, um….um…." She stuttered desperately trying to make the situation better.

'_Damn it! I watch this show all the time! I shoulda known there'd be sex scenes in it!'_

'**YOUR SO STUPID, CHEYAH!'**

'_I gotta do something…or say something intelligent!'_

'**Or you could wait for him to take the hint and let him make the first move…'**

'…_..' _Sakura blushed at that even more than she was already blushing before. She heard Sasuke curse rather loudly under his breath.

"Wh-where's the fucking remote?" His voice cracked as he said this, desperately searching for the missing remote control. If the poor boy's hormones weren't working over time, he would have seen the item he was in search of, which was sitting on the floor next to his right foot.

"Uh, it was right there a second ago!" Sakura replied just as shakily, trying to be of assistance.

"Maybe it landed under the couch!" He mumbled.

"Right!"

At a high speed, the two frantic teenagers dove down, only to bump foreheads roughly with each other, recoiling back and falling off the couch together. Sakura, thinking quickly, grabbed a hold of the closest thing she could find to prevent herself from crashing to the wooden floor, which happened to be Sasuke's shirt, and resulted in her falling directly on top of him. The two laid there in shock and pain at first, well, Sasuke was in more pain since he was used as the landing pillow.

"Ugh…" He groaned.

"….Ow…There's the remote…" Sakura muttered glancing to her side. The object was at level with her eyes at this point. They didn't seem to realize the position they were in for a few minutes, as they remained there, rubbing their foreheads, which now sported red marks on them. Sasuke's eyes shifted over to meet the half-lidded jade gaze of the girl on top of him. Both sets of eyes instantly widened to the size of dinner plates when they realized their close proximity. Things only got worse when the moaning coming from the television could be heard…yes, rather bad for Sasuke when the blood rushed to other places instead of his nose like it usually did. His face reddened and he prayed to whatever holy being out there that Sakura's innocent mind would prevent her from discovering this new, er, growth…(AN-jeez, I just can't give Sasuke a break…)

'_OH MY GOD, THIS IS SOOO NOT GOOD!' _

'**Well, actually….this could be the opportune moment for that clan resurrecting you have in mind….'**

'_WHAT! THERE'S NO WAY I'D DO THAT RIGHT HERE WITH CHILDREN THAT WILL WALK IN!' _His face grew even more freaked out at a sudden thought. '_KYO COULD WALK IN RIGHT NOW!'_

Inner Sasuke laughed at him. '**Well then Casanova, you better do something fast!'**

Sasuke rapidly, almost violently, pushed the flustered girl off of him and rolled so that his back would face her, resting on his side and holding his stomach. (wonder why…)

"Ugh…pain…." She muttered. She quickly reached up and manually turned off the television. Sakura turned her head slowly to look at him, her face screwing up in a worried expression when she saw him holding his abdomen, curled up tightly.

"Oh no, did I hurt you Sasuke?"

"H-huh?" He wheezed, not daring to turn his head even slightly.

"Well, you look like you have a stomach ache or something! Did I jab you with my elbow or something?" She began to crawl over to the overwhelmed boy. He immediately heard her shuffling over to him and tensed even more than he had been. When he felt her hand touch his shoulder, he jumped and squirmed away like a worm.

"D-don't! I'm fine Sakura, j-just don't touch me!" He barked harshly, causing her to pull back her hand as if she was just burned.

"O…kaaaaayyy….sorry Sasuke…" She replied slowly, quirking an eyebrow.

'_Ya know….maybe I'm goin' crazy but…what was pressing on my stomach…_' Sakura thought suspiciously to herself. Her narrowed eyes darted stealthy over to the Uchiha who was still in the same position.

'_Damn, I can't see his other side!' _She stretched her neck a little farther to get a better angle. She wasn't as innocent and naïve as everyone suspected…she had a damn good idea of what was poking her in the stomach, and it sure as hell weren't his arms which were above his head!

Meanwhile, the discombobulated prodigy was panicking….on the inside…

'_God, I'm so uncomfortable! This has to be the worst one I've ever had!'_

Inner Sasuke was finding this rather entertaining however. He chortled and crossed his arms. '**Just excuse yourself to the bathroom dumbfuck!'**

'…_..'_

'**What?'**

'_I don't know where the bathroom is….' _He mentally muttered quickly.

'**HAHAHAHAH! THIS IS FUCKIN PRICELESS!'**

'_SHUT YOUR FILTHY CLAM YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A COMICAL DISPLAY OF MY INNER MOST THOUGHTS!'_

'…**woah…get off the meds boy….those are some serious ass mood swings problems ya got there…'**

'_Shut up. Besides, there's no way in hell I'm about to wander around a huge house with little kids in it, searing for a bathroom in hopes to 'relieve' myself.'_

'**Yeah, your right…I mean, you could get in trouble for hiding a left over Nazi and all….'**

'………_..' _(A/N- ok, think about that for a minute and you'll understand…)

'…**..'**

'…_.you sick bastard….'_

'**Hey! I'm just stating some basic facts here! And I was agreeing with you!'**

Against his better judgment, which he was sure he had lost by this point, he shakily stood up and collected himself, making sure to keep his back towards Sakura.

"I'll be right back." He announced as if nothing was wrong. Sakura, who was back on the couch and had the tv on again, (the scene finally over) looked in his direction.

"Huh? Where are you going Sasuke?"

"To the bathroom, just stay here." He replied, cool as a cucumber, quickly walking out in search of the room.

The kunoichi stared after him with a quirked brow due to her suspicions. She then whipped her head around to face the television and thought about what just happened, wondering if her theory was correct.

"……Nah…." She shook her head and continued watching.

* * *

FINALLY DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER! I'm SOOOOOOOOOO sorry it took so long for me to update. I've been having a creative block for the past 2 months, especially in my art…ugh…its been a long winter….but at least springs here! Okay, shout out time!

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH TO:

chimamire

Ninja girl!

Cinderella101

4ever2belove

Themangaloverofdoom

CrAzY-SiLLy-Me

Tearz of Mine

InuyashaHELP

RobinAmon

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy (love the name)

Blu Rose

Sakura4Eva

slipknot rocker

Uchiha Sakura Blossoms

Neko-Neko23

Ivory Black aka torri chiobie

Sasukelover

Estrela jem

SasuSaku453 (OMG, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY FUCKING LIFE! throws plushie at you I'm planning on using the ideas you gave me in my next chapter. They were a HUGE help!)

Pelly pelican

Edakumi-sama

The Cashew Nuts

Ok, that's all the names I feel like writing for tonight and I really wanna get this uploaded soon. If I didn't get you here, I will in the next chapter! Please review me like I kno u will!  
MUWAH YEH MAKE MEH SO HAPPEH!


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